I was sitting in a chair in Fred's kitchen and my mother was cutting my hair. She was high as a kite and had that manic look in her eyes. Her pupils were dilated making her eyes black bottomless pits. It looked like she had no soul, like she was a demon. She cut a piece of my hair and then stood back and mumbled to herself, unhappy with it. Then she nipped off another piece on the other side.
My back started to ache and I became restless. She snapped at me every time I started to slouch and would dig her knuckle into my spine. "Sit up!" Three hours later what meant to be trim turned into 6 inches of hair scattered across the floor. Fred laughed at me and said, "Christ Sue! What did you do to the kid? You crack head!" That was the wrong thing to say, and just like that she was off....
I was sent to the backyard as usual and listened carefully in case the situation called for intervention. As usual, it did. I ran in and found Fred with a belt in his hand and my mother cowering on the floor. I stayed where I was and didn't say a word. I didn't cry, I didn't shout. I was paralyzed. It was like all of the nerves in my brain were firing at once... causing the image before me to scar into my minds eye forever.
He was wearing blue jeans and his grey T-shirt was half way ripped off. She was in blue jeans too, only hers were pulled down to her ankles and red welts were forming on her thighs. She had on a white tank top... and no underwear. Fred was red faced and breathing heavily. He stopped and flipped his head back to move his hair out of his eyes. When he did spit flew out of his mouth and dribbled down his chin. Then he got up and walked out of the room.
I helped my mother up and heard banging coming from the kitchen. The banging went all the way around the house, bang bang bang...... bang bang bang........bang bang bang. I looked at my mother with my eyebrows drawn together, expecting her to get up and see what the sound was. "Mom??? What is Fred doing?"
Then I saw her eyes grow big and she jumped up out of her seat like the house was on fire and ran to the side door. "SHIT! shit shit shit shit! You son of a bitch!" Fred had nailed us in the house. He went around and nailed all the windows and all the doors... and then he drove off.
We had no telephone, so there was nothing to do but sit and wait. My mother went to turn the TV on, but it wouldn't work. He had cut off the electricity. It was still daylight, so I wasn't concerned. Later though, we found out that he had cut off the water too. The first night wasn't so bad. I had cold creamed corn from a can for dinner and my mom lit candles and we had a kind of camping party.
The next morning I went in search of something to drink and came up with canned pineapple juice. My mother slept. I read, looked for something to drink again and read some more. For dinner I ate a can of spam. My mother slept. The next morning I felt really sick and went to wake my mom up in case she had any ideas about where I might find some water. When I found her she was curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor laying in her own vomit. She was going through withdrawals.
I spent another three terrifying hours walking back and forth between the bathroom and the front room to look out the window in case Fred came back. If I keep looking, he'll show up. Fred wouldn't hurt me. Fred pulled into the drive way around noon and I saw him through the side window next to the door. I yelled at him, "SHE'S LAYING IN THE BATHROOM, LET ME OUT!.. LET ME OUT!.... Let me out..." I started to cry. He stood there with a blank face. Maybe he can't hear me, I thought. I was so afraid that he was going to leave me there.
I grabbed an old coca cola bottle off a shelf and threw it at the window, but it just bounced off. He saw what I tried to do and came right up to the window with his hand held up telling me to stop, but I couldn't stop. It felt like the rope that held things together inside of me came loose. I ran and grabbed one of the small wooden stools in the kitchen and pointed it's legs at the window and rammed into it. The glass shattered.
Fred walked up, looked in the window and had tears in his eyes. He said, "I'm going to let you out.. I need to go find a hammer OK?" I shook my head no. It's not OK! I cried and I yelled at him. "YOU LEFT ME HERE! Why did you do that! Why did you do that?" I tried to take a breath, but it hurt too much to breathe. It felt like all the tears that were falling down my face were coming from my chest... and there was no room in there for any air anymore. Fred got down on a knee by the window and started crying. He said, "I didn't mean to leave you here baby, I was really mad... I wanted to hurt your mom.... I'm so sorry."
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