Wednesday, April 11, 2012
California Dreams (Ch.3)
My mother ran away from home at age 16 to California in search of her own mother who had abandoned her as a small child. She was actually raised by her father and his mother (Nana.) I come from a long line of dysfunctional parentage. I believe my mother had dreams of reuniting with her, being taken in with open arms and catching up on lost time. When she got there she found her mother had built a new life, which included a new husband and siblings she didn't know she had. Her mother's new life didn't have room for her. She was turned away.
One night I walked in on her and Jerry having sex. This was my first exposure to something like this and they didn't stop when they saw me..... they just told me to leave....and nothing was explained. I was angry! I knew they were doing something that people who "loved" each other did and I was hurt I couldn't be apart of it. I wanted them to stop, I wanted to get right in the middle so they couldn't touch each other. Where was my dad?
I should mention that Jerry was my grandmother's husband. I'm not sure how she ended up in a relationship with her "stepfather", but I think her motive behind it was definitely revenge. My mother was a very spiteful woman.
We lived with Jerry for about a year I think. I made friends (all boys). My mother saw no harm in letting me have sleep overs with the opposite sex. I think it didn't matter to her where I slept over, as long as her and Jerry had the night to themselves. I remember one of the boys tried to get to me to take off my clothes and get in bed with him like Jerry and my mother were doing. I didn't want to. The boy threw a fit and told his mom I was being mean to him. She called my mom and asked her to come and get me. I sat there holding my barbie backpack waiting for her with tears running down my cheeks holding it together the best I could. As soon as I saw my mom's annoyed and angry face I started to sob. I couldn't breath I was crying so hard. I was hiccuping and trying to talk through shallow breaths. My mother ignored me. After I got home I told her what happened and she said, "oh stop being a baby!" She made me play in my room for the rest of the night. I guess her and Jerry made plans and she decided I wasn't going to ruin them.
Posted by The Phoenix Must Burn To Emerge