Thursday, April 4, 2013

An Inferno (Ch. 42)

Less than a year after I moved to Atlanta, Uncle Steve got sick.  He didn't go to the doctor, and because he was in a wheelchair, he couldn't cough effectively enough and ended up with pneumonia.  He was hospitalized and put on a ventilator.  My Uncle Wally went to be with him and I wrote a letter telling him I loved him and how I would be coming to visit him soon.  I told him I was doing good and was glad I moved to Atlanta.  I told him I had recently had pneumonia too and hoped he started to fell better soon.  My Uncle Wally called to tell me that he read him the letter and Uncle Steve had tears in his eyes.  I knew he loved me.  He was the only person that had consistently shown me love as a child.  The only person I had that was still here.  I had my Uncle Wally, but Uncle Wally didn't know about the Boxcar Children, or Bird Bird.  He didn't eat flies and he never watched me tap dance.  

The idea of him dying was not even a possibility in my mind.  Three days later, he was gone.  He knew when Uncle Wally read him the letter that he was going to die.  He made the decision for them to take him off the ventilator.  It has taken me a long long time to stop being angry at him for that decision.  For years I kept dwelling on the fact that he could have gotten better if he had just waited and let the doctors care for him.  I cried when I first found out, but the heart ache of this loss is not something I felt right away.  The hurt came later.  It came on slow and built up the way a fire does.  Years passed before I realized my loss had turned into an inferno.  I used drugs to ease the burn.  Still this fire is not out.  It's smoldering and I'm not sure if it will ever be distinguished.   I miss him.  I will always miss him.

9 comments:

  1. You have done a wonderful job telling your story. As a reader I was emotional throughout and couldn't stop reading. I hope you continue to write because I am eager to know what happens, I would love to see a happy new beginning (it's not the end) for you!

    Oh and out of curiousity, did you ever reconnect with Crystal? My best friend moved away when we were kids (so I could especially relate with you there) and when we occasionally see each other every few years it's like no time has passed. :)

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    1. Yes. We have kept in touch ever since . We visit each other now every couple years. We were each others maid of honor at our weddings. :) she will be in my life always.

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  2. I've just finished reading your story, and it was beautiful. I can see how White Oleander and your own life story has similarities (I found you on Goodreads.com). You've gone through so much, and writing about everything would be challenging in itself.... You're a fantastic narrator, and the only part I could personally relate to was having parents being drugged up all the time, domestic abuse, and being part of a cultural life. Other then that, the hardships you've endured.... is captivating, scary and it fucks me off people were so cruel to you and let things like that happen to you. But I guess it made you who you are today. I mean how can you see the real beauty of the world, if you don't see the ugly side of the world aswell? Beauty is fleeting and should be contained and held in every memory. And I see that in your stories. With Barbie Town, USA, Uncle Steve, Little Joe, The Battered Womans Shelter.


    I know this is a person question... do you keep in touch with your mother now? Or is there a story coming about your mother? And what happened to Little Joe?

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    1. Jetty, thanks for your comment. I'm trying to finish my story still. I've reached a part that is difficult to write about and I'm thinking since time to get all ny thoughts together.

      I currently have some communication with Susan. I haven't seen here in years and spent about ten with no contact at all. I believe she is off drugs, but she is still very mentally I'll and selfish. I've set boundaries and Allow her to call me twice a year. It's very awkward. She has no memory of what really happened to me and I'm working on forgiving her still.

      Little Joe and I reconnected about 12 years ago... And unfortunately it was a time in my life I was very unstable so a real reunion couldn't happen. Years passed, he joined the army and I got married. Shortly after he also married. Life is good.

      I do believe that Joe and I are soul mates, just not the romantic kind. Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are made of the same thing. I will always live him.

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    2. Sorry for the typos. I'm on my phone. I meant to say I will always love him.

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    3. Maybe one day you could show her this site. :)

      Anyway I look forward to reading more of your stories, you're a fantastic writer! It's good to know that Joe and you reconnected! Even in some way. I can't wait to read more, understand more and see a different life from my own.,.. and have a chance to read someone elses story. I know White Oleander isn't based on a true story, but yours is a true story. A powerful story at that. Grim, powerful and inspiring. Really I'm thankful I get a chance to read it! Thank you so much :)

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  3. Dear Christine,
    I just spent 2 hours reading your entire story. It was absolutely beautiful and inspiring. The voice of your writing is strong and not searching for empty pity. You write like a child of God! I am so glad to hear that you came to find Jesus. I'm sure God has amazing plans for you! I wish you would have known him during your childhood. Maybe you wouldn't have felt so alone.
    I noticed that you stopped writing. Perhaps a request that you continue on is selfish (because I can NOT get enough of this), but if you do, I will be a faithful follower :)
    Thank you for your honesty and purity.
    I pray that you have a wonderfully blessed life.
    Sydney

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    1. Sydney, thank you for your comment and praise. I plan of writing the rest of my story soon, it's just hard to put my dark days of drug addiction into words. My story does have a good ending, and it's almost been 7 years since I've been saved. God is so good! I've also been busy! My husband and I ate expecting our first baby at the end of July.

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  4. Hi, I found your blog in the White Oleander review on Goodreads. Your story must have been very difficult to write. It was very moving to read and I felt raw anger I felt that any kid should experience this or anything remotely like this. I am glad that you had at least a few people in your life who protected you and cared for you and most of all, it is good to know that you have had a happier adulthood.

    All the best.

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