Christmas Time (Ch. 11)

During the time we were at the trailer Fred and my mother continued their relationship and in a short time we moved back in with him. Life improved for me considerably, I had clean socks for one and I had Little Joe back. Yippee!  My mother's kite flying days were behind us and I fell into my new job as my mother's bodyguard.  Fred and my mother were constantly fighting. It was exhausting.  I was always running around trying to control my mother and shut her up before Fred lost his patience.  My mother couldn't keep her mouth shut for more than five minutes at a time.  She was constantly complaining, accusing, blaming, berating and attacking with her words.  Sometimes I felt like just walking up to Fred myself and saying, "I give up.... I'm going to the backyard now...do what you must, just please make her shut up!"  Of course, I never did this.  I protected her always; I did everything I could to keep her safe.  It was a very stressful job.

Christmas came and thanks to Fred's stolen credit cards I made out like a bandit.  Christmas morning I was awakened at the crack of dawn by one of those battery operated Santa's that walked and moved it's arm up and down ringing a bell.  Behind the Santa, peeking out from the hallway was Fred.  He grabbed his belly and said, "Ho Ho Ho... Merry Christmas!"  His eyes were bright and when he smiled I could see both his bottom and lower teeth.  I jumped out of bed and threw the covers off.... Wow, this is going to be just like a real Christmas!

I ran to the Christmas tree and there were mountains of presents!  They were all for me!!!!  I even got a pet hamster!  Fred would laugh every time I opened a gift because I'd proclaim, "this is exactly what I asked Santa for!" I didn't really believe in Santa Claus, but I wanted him to know I was grateful.  When your mother is insane and tells you the streetlights are UFO's, it makes it hard to believe her when she tells you stories about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.  I pretended to believe in Santa Claus so I would get presents though.  I was no dummy! "This is the best day of my life!" I announced.

While Fred and my mother tweaked out on drugs, I would play with my hamster and build obstacle courses for him.  One time Fred joined me and using clear piping that was for some kind of plumbing construction, we made a giant tube slide for him.  We shoved him in one end and then Fred would blow really hard and he would fly out the other!  It was my job to catch him, but I missed lots of times.  I would kiss his boo boo's and then hand him back to Fred for another ride.  I can remember Fred's loud laugh, "HA HA HA! Make sure you catch him you little Turd Knocker!"  He made me laugh!

The next morning my hamster was cold and stiff.  I cried and tried to wrap him in blankets so he would get warm and wake back up.  Fred helped me bury him in the backyard later that day.  I was angry with him and blamed him for killing my hamster.  He was supposed to be the adult!  He was suppose to know better...... Deep down I even knew better, and I felt guilty.  I had killed my hamster.